My smile is misleading
We spontaneously decided to go to the wine festival in Traiskirchen with our neighbours. In joyful anticipation we put on our Trachten (*traditional Austrian and South German clothes). I felt beautiful and strong, when I came home I was fighting back tears.
As a woman born in Bavaria I have been wearing Dirndl (*the traditional dress) all my life. I was particularly proud because my grandmother sewed it herself (luxury pure!)
I was a star in the Trachtenverein (an association for the upholding of the traditional wear), of course I was, “oh how pretty” and 927272 pictures with tourists was the standard for me.
As you do, we took the Badener Bahn to get to Traiskirchen. When we got there we hadn’t even walked 10 meters before hearing the first racist remark. “Now I’ve seen it all, a n*gger in a Dirndl, I guess I can cross that off my list”. A group of boys aged 16-17. When I asked them if they wanted to take a picture as proof they mumbled something of an apology ran away embarrassed.
We arrived at the festivities. All eyes were on us. No, all eyes were on ME!
I heard people whispering. “A black woman in a Dirndl!”. Everywhere I saw confused eyes, mad eyes, amused eyes. We went to get something to eat, and no, I did not get even 2 minutes rest.
I could not take a step without hearing people talking or laughing.
I feel like a leper. Observed and exposed. Yes, I am very well aware that there might have been a few people who thought I looked very pretty. But I felt like an alien, as if I were not allowed to be here.
I resigned, and managed not to freak out until I got home. I am boiling inside, I just wanted to have a nice evening with my friends.
I was told later that an old woman was very happy when she saw my blonde friend in Lederhosen, but when she saw me her loving grandma-face turned to stone.
What did I do? THIS is my culture. All I know is Bavaria and Austria. Lederhosen and beer. I feel robbed of my identity. For these people a “n*gger in Tracht” is a caricature, for some of them it’s an insult. I would love not to have to deal with any of this any more, I feel ashamed for Seehofer and Söder, where the fuck is your Gmiadlichheid (*dialect → describes the Austrian and Southern German outlook on life as relaxed and warm)?
The only thing you are doing is forcing people with an ounce of sense left in them to reject your “Leitkultur”.
For my part, I feel deeply hurt and will only go to events in future where I can be sure to avoid such hostility.
I feel shut out and constrained. Strache and his minions are right, there are no-go areas, for me definitively. I just want to pull a blanket over my head and never leave the house again.
This indoctrinated hate is eating me up inside...
Translated by Christopher Hütmannsberger
This post can be shared but must remain my original wording